Stop deciding you're on the wrong path and commit already.
The pattern: get an idea, get excited, plan, take a couple of steps, and discover it's all wrong.
Maybe you had a LinkedIn strategy planned, an intention to try out a social group, a book idea that still lives in your head, a dream to start that rec team, or promised yourself you were going to put yourself back out there.
But.
But then, you never followed through.
Sometimes (rarely if we’re honest), it’s because you’ve genuinely thought it through and decided better of it. Other times, it’s because fear says, “You’ll never get that right.” So, then you shrink back to familiarity.
We all do this occasionally. Yet, when it becomes our default, it becomes something you no longer wrestle with or even see. It becomes an easily put-down “dream,” and it’s never really taken seriously.
I can’t tell you the times I’ve done this. It mainly shows up in my professional life. I’m the one with a LinkedIn profile, a job search, or a career shift plan. Then I take a step or two, freak out, and retreat to safety.
There is no “right” path (unfortunately).
There are absolutely wrong paths, but right paths are made. You choose the path, and then you decide to make it the right choice for you.
The right path could be many things for me. I chose a career that went against my gut, but it was very close, so I later pivoted.
The right path for you might be buying a house and planting roots. It’ll require some different choices and sacrifices, but unless you’re a nomad, you’ll make this choice the right choice.
You can’t shape your path if you don’t start walking it.
Your “right” choice needs a fighting chance. You can’t pick new paths every couple of steps, or you’re actually on a Ferris wheel.
You go high and low, ‘round and ‘round, but never go anywhere.
We fix it by…
Acknowledging the pattern.
Not in a “Oh, here I go again” kind of way, but in a “Huh, I see this is happening again” kind of way.
Questioning the decision to quit.
Get curious as to why you are no longer pursuing what you’d intended. Remember, not deciding is a decision.
Looking at things from a macro view instead of seeing all that needs to be done. Focus on the first step.
Are you wondering what people will think of you (make sure you’re honest with yourself), imagining yourself failing (again), or avoiding your required “consistency” (which is actually a self-requirement to show up perfectly)?
Giving yourself permission
To start messy, show up once, give it a month, half-do it, be a beginner, produce a C+, or do it as an experiment. None of these things requires excellence or a full-time contract.
For example, I had a deep dive into perfectionism planned as a natural next post on this Substack. Since my Substack is so new, I don’t really have a rhythm or cadence yet, so a post like that is setting me up for failure. So, I pivoted and allowed myself to make a post from experience.
Taking a micro step.
You’ve probably heard the advice to break things into small steps, and it’s a legit strategy for perfectionists.
I can’t get on board with the “habit” advice to just do one pushup (or whatever) to trick yourself into doing more. My brain does not see the one pushup needed to start the habit; it sees the 15 and three sets required to actually make a difference.
But if you can do ten pushups and call it a day, that’s a win. You’ve made progress, and it didn’t require going from nothing to an hour-long workout.
Recognize what’s happening.
The pattern of starting and stopping isn’t this MO that unconsciously controls you. It’s a protection mechanism that’s outlived its usefulness, AND you have the power to control. Every time you catch yourself mid-retreat, no matter how small, you’re building the muscle to stay. You don’t need to get it perfect. You just need to keep walking long enough to see where the path actually leads.
So what’s the thing you put down that you’d secretly like to try again? Pick it back up. Give it one more week, one more post, one more attempt. Not because you owe it to anyone else, but because you owe yourself the chance to find out what happens when you don’t, and won’t, quit this time.